If you actually read these blog posts, I obviously liked a guy majorly last year. For 10 or so months, probably longer than I had ever liked someone before.
That all fizzled out, and love life became boring over the few months before I moved to Wollongong.
Ever since I moved, while I haven't developed massive crushes I have developed what I call the 'drunken crush.'
It lasts for 2 weeks tops, and it happens with someone I drunkenly hook up with. It's happened maybe 3/4 times since I have moved. Generally though it starts with me seeing the particular guy, thinking he is cute, then pursuing him or the whole 'thrill of the chase' when we are out and about. Nothing much comes out of it to be honest, by generally that's cool with me and then after that I move onto the next person so to speak, or chill out for a while.
At the moment I'm going through another drunken crush but for some reason this one feels a little different. Maybe it's because I don't think he is as much out of my league at the others were. Or maybe cause he is generally the type I don't usually go for.
After going through this drunken crush, I realised I am tiring of the single scene. Not that I particularly want to dive headfirst into a relationship either, but the swapping and changing is just me putting off a fear of being unwanted maybe, or not being good enough. We'll see what happens.
P.S.
If you want everyday updates (or there abouts) I have a tumblr. http://notlostjustundiscovered.tumblr.com
Stay cool.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Home and back again
On the weekend I went home, taking some American friends with me. It was a fun weekend. I hadn't felt homesick beforehand, and nor do I now really, but going out on Saturday night, and partying with some old friends, made me feel slightly nolgastic.
As I hugged a friend and he excitedly told me he has a 'woman' in his life, as I danced with some others and as I ran into primary school buddies I hadn't seen for a while, it hit me - everyone is at that stage where things are changing. A lot.
When we left school, we all tried hard to maintain that same connection throughout the first year out of high school. As we move onto the second year out, you can see everyone being pulled into different directions. We are now a part of 'Life.' We are now growing up and turning into adults (well majority)
Leaving home felt weird again, after seeing all my friends. However once back in Wollongong, and after my first full day of uni yesterday, tutorials and all, the Wagga trip seemed like a distant memory already.
Sometimes I hate the fact we can't stay in touch with everyone. I think of close friends who have moved away, or even the crew I used to just meet out at the pubs and party with, and know that eventually these people are just a small part of our lives. I have to accept this, I know, but I do so reluctantly. Whether it be a former close friend, or a guy I had a casual relationship with that ended on good terms, whether it be the boys that I used to have dance offs with, or the girls I used to have gossip sessions with in the bathrooms. Eventually the ties fall off, and they become little specks in the distance. But such is life I guess.
As I hugged a friend and he excitedly told me he has a 'woman' in his life, as I danced with some others and as I ran into primary school buddies I hadn't seen for a while, it hit me - everyone is at that stage where things are changing. A lot.
When we left school, we all tried hard to maintain that same connection throughout the first year out of high school. As we move onto the second year out, you can see everyone being pulled into different directions. We are now a part of 'Life.' We are now growing up and turning into adults (well majority)
Leaving home felt weird again, after seeing all my friends. However once back in Wollongong, and after my first full day of uni yesterday, tutorials and all, the Wagga trip seemed like a distant memory already.
Sometimes I hate the fact we can't stay in touch with everyone. I think of close friends who have moved away, or even the crew I used to just meet out at the pubs and party with, and know that eventually these people are just a small part of our lives. I have to accept this, I know, but I do so reluctantly. Whether it be a former close friend, or a guy I had a casual relationship with that ended on good terms, whether it be the boys that I used to have dance offs with, or the girls I used to have gossip sessions with in the bathrooms. Eventually the ties fall off, and they become little specks in the distance. But such is life I guess.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Lust is never easy
Take note of the word lust. I believe in love as much as the next person, but unlike the next person, I believe way to many people (teenagers especially) confuse lust and infatuation to feelings of 'pure true love'
A little while ago I was excited to move, for numerous reasons, but one being a potential relationship with someone. But time passes and people change. Or maybe they don't change, but as you get closer to them, feelings pass, or they aren't the person you imagined in your head. Oh if only our imaginations could conjure something then life would be sweet.
I myself, have lusted over people. I have probably ever really REALLY liked, about 3 guys in my life. But even then I never fooled myself into thinking it was love. It was pure lust. And after the thrill of the chase, and when it got to the point where these guys liked me back, and things started happening, I get cold feet and my feelings start to disappear. Hence, lust/infatuation stage over before it can ever progress to love.
This is probably quite normal of a teenage girl.
I am the kind of girl that can hook up with a guy, and leave it at that. Then always in my situation the wrong guys get attached and want more, whereas that's done and I just want to be friends (probably typical male behaviour)
Then as soon as I hook up with a guy, and then they show no interest, apart from the brief hello, I find myself being drawn to them. Confusing no? It's like the guys I can get easily I don't want. As soon as it becomes the thrill of the chase, I am immediately infatuated, always with the wrong type of guy.
I'm just going to stick with the fact I have not yet come close to finding someone I want to commit too. Maybe one day...
A little while ago I was excited to move, for numerous reasons, but one being a potential relationship with someone. But time passes and people change. Or maybe they don't change, but as you get closer to them, feelings pass, or they aren't the person you imagined in your head. Oh if only our imaginations could conjure something then life would be sweet.
I myself, have lusted over people. I have probably ever really REALLY liked, about 3 guys in my life. But even then I never fooled myself into thinking it was love. It was pure lust. And after the thrill of the chase, and when it got to the point where these guys liked me back, and things started happening, I get cold feet and my feelings start to disappear. Hence, lust/infatuation stage over before it can ever progress to love.
This is probably quite normal of a teenage girl.
I am the kind of girl that can hook up with a guy, and leave it at that. Then always in my situation the wrong guys get attached and want more, whereas that's done and I just want to be friends (probably typical male behaviour)
Then as soon as I hook up with a guy, and then they show no interest, apart from the brief hello, I find myself being drawn to them. Confusing no? It's like the guys I can get easily I don't want. As soon as it becomes the thrill of the chase, I am immediately infatuated, always with the wrong type of guy.
I'm just going to stick with the fact I have not yet come close to finding someone I want to commit too. Maybe one day...
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