Sunday, March 28, 2010

You know when you think something has got better, then some stupid little incident happens to just make you pissed off to the max?

Okay so we are both stubborn people. But I am far more considerate of their feelings, compared to what they are like with me. For once I am sick of being the one apologising for nothing I did wrong. For once I wish they could be the understanding ones. For once I wish they could be bothered to be reasonable or stop being such a stuck up, fag of a jerk.

I am pissed off. End of story.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Oh uni days

Moving did turn my life around. It may be too early to say that, but going after last year, I cannot even remember a time where I've felt so constantly happy.

Living on campus is something I would recommend. I love it here at Weerona, so much that I consider it home now. I barely think about my life in Wagga. Which may sound bad, but everythings so busy at the moment, between uni, socialising, music reviewing, that it's so easy to forget.

Now if I can just get rid of this sickness. I have the strangest symptoms - really bad pain in my back and stomach around my rib cage area, sometimes dizzy, sometimes lethargic, and swollen glands. I guess I should go to a doctor but I was kind of hoping it'd pass. And no, it's not that time of the month and no I really doubt I am pregnant. Anyone have any ideas on what it could be?

For now uni calls - BCM 101 tutorial OH HAPPY DAYSSSSSSS! /sarcasm

Monday, March 8, 2010

Home and back again

On the weekend I went home, taking some American friends with me. It was a fun weekend. I hadn't felt homesick beforehand, and nor do I now really, but going out on Saturday night, and partying with some old friends, made me feel slightly nolgastic.

As I hugged a friend and he excitedly told me he has a 'woman' in his life, as I danced with some others and as I ran into primary school buddies I hadn't seen for a while, it hit me - everyone is at that stage where things are changing. A lot.

When we left school, we all tried hard to maintain that same connection throughout the first year out of high school. As we move onto the second year out, you can see everyone being pulled into different directions. We are now a part of 'Life.' We are now growing up and turning into adults (well majority)

Leaving home felt weird again, after seeing all my friends. However once back in Wollongong, and after my first full day of uni yesterday, tutorials and all, the Wagga trip seemed like a distant memory already.

Sometimes I hate the fact we can't stay in touch with everyone. I think of close friends who have moved away, or even the crew I used to just meet out at the pubs and party with, and know that eventually these people are just a small part of our lives. I have to accept this, I know, but I do so reluctantly. Whether it be a former close friend, or a guy I had a casual relationship with that ended on good terms, whether it be the boys that I used to have dance offs with, or the girls I used to have gossip sessions with in the bathrooms. Eventually the ties fall off, and they become little specks in the distance. But such is life I guess.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lust is never easy

Take note of the word lust. I believe in love as much as the next person, but unlike the next person, I believe way to many people (teenagers especially) confuse lust and infatuation to feelings of 'pure true love'

A little while ago I was excited to move, for numerous reasons, but one being a potential relationship with someone. But time passes and people change. Or maybe they don't change, but as you get closer to them, feelings pass, or they aren't the person you imagined in your head. Oh if only our imaginations could conjure something then life would be sweet.

I myself, have lusted over people. I have probably ever really REALLY liked, about 3 guys in my life. But even then I never fooled myself into thinking it was love. It was pure lust. And after the thrill of the chase, and when it got to the point where these guys liked me back, and things started happening, I get cold feet and my feelings start to disappear. Hence, lust/infatuation stage over before it can ever progress to love.

This is probably quite normal of a teenage girl.

I am the kind of girl that can hook up with a guy, and leave it at that. Then always in my situation the wrong guys get attached and want more, whereas that's done and I just want to be friends (probably typical male behaviour)
Then as soon as I hook up with a guy, and then they show no interest, apart from the brief hello, I find myself being drawn to them. Confusing no? It's like the guys I can get easily I don't want. As soon as it becomes the thrill of the chase, I am immediately infatuated, always with the wrong type of guy.

I'm just going to stick with the fact I have not yet come close to finding someone I want to commit too. Maybe one day...